Skin
by tearsnsorrow
Summary: Reid leaves the BAU for good. Slash. Major Character Death.


Spencer Reid had made a sudden decision. He was leaving the BAU permanently. No one could change his mind. Not even his unrequited love.

Spencer had just started to pack up his things when JJ came over to him to see if she could change his mind. "Spence you don't have to leave. Stay. The BAU won't be the same without you. The team won't be the same." She pleaded.

"JJ I have to leave. It's just time for me to relax and live for a bit. I won't be back." Spencer told her.

The attacks kept coming for the remainder of the day. Next it was Emily. "Reid. I think you should stay. It's not like you to just give up. Besides who will I teach dirty things to if you are gone?"

"Emily. I'm not giving up. I'm going to go live my life. It's time I acted my age." Spencer explained.

Spencer was just finishing up his last case file when Penelope walked over. "Spencer Reid! You are not leaving the BAU. Who will I baby? Who will lean over me trying to understand what I'm doing? Who will help me pick on Morgan?"

Her argument made Spencer want to stay, but he knew he couldn't. "Penny." He started. "I have to leave. You'll find out soon. I know you will. You have all the necessary resources."

Hotch and Gideon wanted to see him before he left so he hurried off to Hotch's office. Obviously there was going to be another attack from them. And he really was grateful for everything the team had done for him, but right now he needed to focus on himself. Spencer opened the door and entered. Hotch motioned for him to sit. Spencer complied.

"Reid." Hotch started. "I don't understand why you want to leave. You love this job. This is what you are really good at."

Spencer took a shaky breath everything that everyone had said today had been true, but they couldn't know or even begin to understand why he was leaving.

"Hotch I just can't do this anymore. I have to leave for personal reasons. And yes I know that I am really good at this, and love to do this, but that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is me taking care of myself." When Reid finished Hotch nodded at him, trying to be understanding.

Gideon on the other hand was less than impressed by the youngsters' sudden decision. "You can't just quit Reid. The team needs you more then you know. Hell I need you more then you know. There are just some things that I don't understand about you Spencer. One day you love this job and the next you are giving it up to go do what? Be a kid? That's not like you. Something has happened to make you leave. Or perhaps it's someone? "

Spencer was fighting off the tears. Of course he didn't want to leave. But he didn't have a choice. He wouldn't be able to do his job soon. He stood and gave the older men each a hug and thanked them for everything that they had done for him. They didn't know what it meant to him. He hoped that one day they would be able to forgive him, and even love him again. But he didn't expect it to be anytime soon.

Spencer was just putting on his messenger bag when Derek Morgan finally approached him. "Good luck kid." He said before gathering his own things.

For a moment Spencer was taken back. Derek wasn't going to reprimand him? That didn't seem right. "What you aren't going to say something about me giving up, or not being able to tease me anymore?"

"Spence you don't need any more of that. Obviously you have thought this over and it's for the best. Call me if you ever need anything. And I mean anything." Derek told him before taking the three steps over to give Spencer a good bye hug. "Don't keep me waiting too long. I worry about you." He whispered in the younger mans ear.

Spencer nodded before rushing out of the office. That was that. No more having to pretend he was okay when he really wasn't. Tomorrow was a new day, and it looked like hell.

Currently the BAU team was in Atlanta, Georgia three weeks after Spencer Reid left the BAU. Derek was awakened by his cell phone around four in the morning. Sleepily he rubbed his eyes and saw that it was Spencer phoning.

"Spence is everything alright?" Derek asked.

"I need you." Was the quiet rely from the other end of the phone.

"Are you at home?"

"Yes. Can you come?"

"I'll fly home as soon as I can. Will you be alright for a few hours baby boy?"

"Yeah." Spencer answered shakily.

"Alright I'll be there as soon as I can." Derek said as he hung up.

Hastily Derek donned a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Before haphazardly packing his go bag up again. He made a quick call to the airlines to get the soonest possible flight back to Quantico. After confirming his flight would be leaving in two hours he went and banged on Hotch's door.

Hotch was less than impressed to see Derek banging on his door at quarter after four in the morning.

"Morgan, is everything alright?"

Derek shook his head. "I have to go home. Reid phoned, Hotch there's something wrong but I don't know what. I have to go see him and find out."

Reluctantly Hotch allowed Derek to leaving, saying he would tell the team he had to leave for personal reasons, which wasn't really far from the truth.

Derek went down to the main lobby to return his keys, and called a cab. The cab would be there in fifteen minutes. And then in less than an hour he would be on his way back to see what was wrong with Spencer.

The flight seemed abnormally long. But that was only because Derek was checking his watch every five minutes and wishing that the plane would fly faster. Derek refused to let Spencer handle whatever problem he was having alone. He was going to be there for the younger man, no matter what.

Once in the airport Derek called for another cab and the made sure he had everything he needed before going over to see Spencer.

The cab ride took forever because of all the traffic. Derek paid the cab driver and then ran into the apartment building and up the four flights of stairs.

Derek rapped on the door. It took several long minutes before the door knob turned. What Derek saw more than shocked him, it down right upset him.

Spencer looked as though he had lost a lot of weight, and wasn't sleeping. And his hair was quite obviously either falling out or being pulled out. Spencer managed a small smile, before stepping in to let Derek get in past him.

Derek was still gaping at him when Spencer spoke. "I know I look terrible, but I needed someone to take me to the hospital."

Derek nodded. He had no idea what was going on. Was this the same Spencer Reid he had seen just three weeks ago? "What's going on?"

"Derek can we sit for a moment? So I can explain?"

Derek nodded. What was going on?

They sat beside each other on Spencer's couch.

"I have leukemia. " Spencer started. "I didn't want anyone to know because I'm going to beat this. But I can't do it alone anymore. I need someone to help me. Derek I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time. That's why I wanted your help. I needed someone that I love. And you said that you cared about me, so I thought that you would be willing to help me. I know I look far from appealing, I mean even before this I wasn't exactly good looking but, I guess I just hoped that you meant you were in love with me when you said you cared about me."

Spencer could see tears in Derek's eyes. "I can't lose you. Not when you just confessed how you feel." Derek pulled Spencer into his arms and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "How long have you known?"

"Known? Or how long have I been undergoing treatment?"

"Both."

"I've known for about three months. But they wouldn't give me treatment until they were sure which one would work best. So I've been undergoing treatment for not quite two weeks."

"Three months? And you never said anything?"

"I didn't want anyone worrying about me."

"Come on Spence let's get you to the hospital."

Spencer had been in the hospital for a month when he was told that he wasn't going to get any better and ha only had another three months if he was lucky. Breaking the news to Derek was going to be hard. Derek had been so sure that Spencer was going to beat this. In the end Spencer always knew that this was going to beat him not the other way around. He had just tried to be optimistic. It was time to tell the team that he was going to die. That he had left to try and be able to come back. Which now was not going to happen.

Derek came to the hospital later that day to see them unhooking Spencer from all the machines he had been attached to. The smile on his face broke Spencer heart. How do you tell the man you love that the reason you are going home is to die? Spencer just shook his head at Derek, and Derek understood, if the tears in his eyes were any indication.

How could this be happening to someone so young and pure? Why couldn't it be some evil bastard who killed people? Why did it have to be his Spencer? Why didn't they confess their love for each other sooner so that they could have had more time together?

By this point Spencer was completely bald. He had no hair on any part of his body. Not even eye lashes. But Derek didn't care. He was going to cherish Spencer until he himself died.

A few days later both men showed up to the office, just in time for JJs briefing. Derek had taken a leave of absence, for personal reasons, which the teams was about to find out about.

Derek led Spencer into the conference room and made him sit on the couch. Immediately the team knew that the boys didn't have good news.

"I'm dying." Spencer told them bluntly. There was no point in going through pleasantries. "I have leukemia, which has recently been deemed untreatable. I thought you should all know."

The team sat silently for a few moments. Before each member quietly apologized to Spencer for pushing him to stay, and for accusing him of quitting.

"Guys it's alright. I had every intention of beating this and coming back. But I figured if it couldn't be treated I would have to tell you all eventually. I do have one request from all of you."

This surprised even Derek who hadn't heard anything about requests.

"I never really had a prom. I want to experience that before," Spencer stopped and took a breath. "Before I die."

Everyone agreed to the prom idea, and Penelope, JJ, and Emily wanted to know which one Spencer wanted as a date. Spencer laughed. "I thought you guys were smart. Why do you think Derek is currently on leave?"

Suddenly the obvious clicked. Spencer was going to the make shift prom with Derek. No questions were asked.

Derek had taken Spencer out to get a suit since none of his fit, due to his unavoidable weight loss. The girls had designed everything, and held the 'prom' at Gideon's cabin. They all dance and had fun. And Spencer decided that waiting until you were twenty-five for prom was definitely worth the wait.

The drive home was silent except for the low hum of romantic music. Spencer had made a special request of Derek. He didn't want to die a virgin. Derek of course couldn't deny his lover anything.

When the two got home Derek slowly undressed them, while placing sweet kissing all over Spencer's face and neck. Derek had never been so emotionally attached to anyone. Let alone actually loved them.

Spencer looked so fragile and delicate when he was laid out naked on the bed. But Derek didn't see the protruding bones, or the sickly paleness of Spencer's skin. All he saw was the man he had fallen in love with. The smart, funny genius. The man who was going to conquer the world.

Derek pulled out his supplies, and set out to preparing his lover. Derek coated his fingers in the slick liquid. Gently he pushed on finger into the younger man. Spencer moaned in appreciation. Derek slid his finger in and out until he felt Spencer was ready for a second. There was no way that Derek was going to rush this. He wanted Spencer's first time to be memorable.

Gradually Spencer's moans increased and he was pushing back against Derek's fingers. At this point Derek decided that Spencer was ready for a third finger. Of all the people in the world Derek had to be in love with a dying man. And surprisingly he wouldn't have it any other way. Derek slowly removed his fingers, and rolled on a condom.

"This is going to hurt babe."

"I know. But it's okay. I trust you."

Derek eased slowly into the tight opening. Spencer scrunched his face up against the pain. After a few moments however that pain eased, and he wanted more. Derek complied and slowly thrust in and out of his smaller lover. Derek knew in that moment that this was the moment he would always remember. The moment he was truly with his lover.

Spencer moaned for Derek to go faster and harder. Of course Derek had no reason to say no, so he picked up is pace. Derek reached his hand down in between them and stroked Spencer in time with his trusts.

Derek felt Spencer tense around his cock, and they orgasmed together. Derek had never had that synchronism with anyone before.

Derek cleaned them up and then pulled Spencer into his chest. "I love you." Derek whispered.

"I know. I love you too. That was amazing. Thank you."

The boys knew that didn't have much time left together. Spencer was getting worse. He barely had the energy to eat anymore. Derek was so scared. The one person other than his family that he loved was dying, and there was nothing he could do to save him. Often when Spencer was sleeping Derek would stare at him and cry.

"Derek, I need you to promise me something." Spencer said to him one day.

"Anything." Derek answered automatically.

"That you will move on with your life after I die."

Derek started to cry. "I can't promise you that Spence. You are my one and only."

"Derek I want you to be happy. And crying over me is you being happy. Just remember that I am always with you." Spencer told him putting his hand over Derek's heart. "I'm right here. I will live on inside of you. I will always be watching over you. Keeping you safe. Loving you. But you have to promise that you will try and move on, and find someone else to be happy with. Can you do that for me?"

Derek cried even harder. "Of course I'll try. I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

They held each other crying long and hard into the night.

The next morning was the one that Derek had been dreading the past two and a half months. He woke up with Spencer in his arms as usual. Only this time Spencer didn't wake up with him.

Derek went into the office to let them know that Spencer was gone. They all cried and told their favourite stories about him. Like his physics magic, or the various useless facts that he had stored in his head.

"You know his birthday last year I wondered what he would know by the time he was fifty." Gideon said. "He was like the son I never had."

They all worked together to plan his memorial. Spencer had told Derek to cremate him and take him on cases to spread his ashes in various places. Of course Derek did this but he kept a small amount of Spencer to himself.

Derek Morgan would never have realized his true potential if he had never met Spencer Reid. Now ten years later he was married with two children, one of which he named Spencer Junior. His wife understood that she was not the love of his life. But she did know that he loved her. Today however was the one day every year that he didn't love her at all. Today was the tenth anniversary of Spencer Reid's death. It was the one day a year that Derek went to the grave yard with what he had kept of Spencer and he would talk to the younger man until dawn. Derek never forgot Spencer, and he certainly never stopped loving him.

So that's it. It's kind of based off of Skin by Rascal Flatts


End file.
